Day 150: Rewrites Writer's Group


Tonight I took in about 8.5 pages including the rewrites on the press conference scene and a new scene involving Tyler buying his truck. The truck scene existed previously wherein Tyler was asking about a fancy pickup truck on the dealer's lot. He pretty much decided to buy it on the spot without a test drive. It was cute but lacking in action. Way too talky. For the rewrite, I put him and the salesman in the truck for a test drive, which was basically Tyler putting the vehicle through its paces and cutting a lot of donuts in the parking lot much to the horror of the salesman.


It has a lot more action, is much funnier, gets the same information across as previously and reveals more about Tyler's character. Everyone loved it and, unfortunately, I don't know that I need it. As of right now I have removed the scene completely and the script works just fine without it and reduces the page length. If I decide I want it at a later date, I can simply reinstate it.


The other big scene was, of course, the new press conference. This seemed to work well, but there were comments that Hiram seemed a bit stiff. They wanted to see more of him as a character holding a press conference. Right now he comes off as if he's just reading a statement. That's sort of what I was going for, and in that sense I got it right, but it wasn't as interesting a scene as it could be. So I'll probably play around with that this week and see if I can rework it.


The follow-up scene with Shep going to Grady's house worked nicely. There was a good sense of tension and rising stakes, and the characters were much more active than in the previous version.


Featured Posts
Recent Posts
Archive
Search By Tags
No tags yet.
Follow Us
  • Facebook Basic Square
  • Twitter Basic Square
  • Google+ Basic Square